So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
