i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
