He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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