three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
