dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
