that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
A+ Viking dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
