what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she peed on how many people?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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