apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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