She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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