I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
