Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The adults are the big ones right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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