Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
