Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
