She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
