i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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