everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As shirtless as possible
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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