i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Shame is for Republicans.
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