Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
