At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
