Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
