there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
