is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
