I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
