True but thats because hes a fetus.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
