great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
