Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
