Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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