I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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