she woke up with a sticky ear
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
