he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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