She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
dude. I can hear the air.
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