if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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