so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
false alarm. still invincible.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
