Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize