I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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