i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
