i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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