Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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