dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
