Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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