quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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