I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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