hell yes lets make some ravioli
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize