If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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