that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She's like a pop up book from hell.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
