i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
