had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize