Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
