shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
