if only i could text you this smell
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
