have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
