please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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