u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
