it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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