Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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