pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
