Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
