haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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