I just threw up on my dentist
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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