he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
