Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
