dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
