I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
