I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
pray to the hookup gods
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
